Rediscovering True Relations in a
Transactional World
In a world obsessed with “relationships”—a word rooted in contracts, transactions, and even maritime law—we often forget the deeper meaning of true relations. The language we use shapes our reality, and when we reduce our connections to something that can be negotiated, owned, or dissolved, we lose sight of what it means to truly relate to another human being.
What Are True Relations?
True relations are not about roles, labels, or legal status. They are about authentic connection—meeting another as they are, without masks or agendas. They are built on respect, honor, and genuine acknowledgement of each other’s essence. In true relations, there is no need to fix, control, or possess. There is simply the willingness to see, hear, and honor the other, and to allow ourselves to be seen in return.
Do We Have Real Relations Today?
Many of us move through life surrounded by people, yet feel deeply alone. Social media gives the illusion of connection, but often leaves us feeling more isolated and unseen. Even in families, workplaces, and communities, our interactions can become transactional—based on what we can get, rather than what we can give or share. We may play roles, keep up appearances, or hide our true selves out of fear of judgment or rejection.
The result? Shallow connections, misunderstandings, and a longing for something deeper—a sense that something essential is missing.
The Consequences of Disconnection: Lessons from the Plandemic
The recent global “plandemic” brought the importance of true relations into sharp focus. For months – even years, most people were unable to see each other’s faces, share a hug, or gather in person. Masks covered our expressions, social distancing kept us apart, and digital screens became our main point of contact. While these measures were presented as “necessary for public health”, the intended consequences on our emotional and relational well-being were profound.
We lost the subtle cues of connection: A smile, a gentle touch, or a warm embrace—these are not trivial gestures. They are essential for human bonding and emotional regulation. When we couldn’t see each other’s faces or share physical closeness, many felt a deep sense of isolation and longing.
The science of hugs: Research shows that hugs and physical touch are vital for our health. A simple 20-second hug can lower cortisol (the stress hormone), boost oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”), and strengthen the immune system. Regular hugs have been linked to lower blood pressure, reduced anxiety, and greater resilience to stress (Grewen et al., 2005). During the plandemic, the lack of touch left many feeling anxious, disconnected, and emotionally depleted.
The epidemic of loneliness: Even before the plandemic, loneliness was recognized as a major public health issue. Studies have shown that chronic loneliness increases the risk of depression, anxiety, heart disease, and even early death—comparable to the risks of smoking or obesity (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015). The forced isolation of lockdowns only intensified this crisis, reminding us how essential true, in-person relations are for our happiness and health.
Do We Know What Unconditional Love Is?
Unconditional love is not a fairy tale or a lofty ideal. It is the natural state of the heart when we drop our defenses and expectations. It is the willingness to accept ourselves and others as we are, without needing to change, fix, or improve. It is the foundation of true relations, and it begins with self-love—honoring our own worth, boundaries, and truth.
Most of us have glimpsed unconditional love—perhaps in the eyes of a child, a beloved pet, or a moment of deep presence with another. But to live from this place consistently requires courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to let go of old patterns of fear and control.
What Will It Take to Experience True Relations and Unconditional Love?
- Authenticity: Be willing to show up as you are, without masks or pretense. Speak your truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. Allow others to do the same.
- Respect and Honor: See the divine in others, regardless of their actions or beliefs. Honor their journey, even when it differs from your own.
- Acknowledgement: Take time to truly see and appreciate the people in your life. Acknowledge their gifts, struggles, and presence.
- Presence: Put down your phone, slow down, and give your full attention to those you are with. Real connection happens in the present moment.
- Self-Love: Cultivate compassion and acceptance for yourself. The more you love and honor yourself, the more you can offer that to others.
- Letting Go of Transaction: Move beyond “what can I get?” to “how can I serve, support, and celebrate?” True relations are not about keeping score.
A Story of True Relation
Consider the story of two friends, Maya and Eli. For years, their friendship was based on shared interests and mutual favors. But when Maya went through a difficult time, Eli showed up—not to fix or advise, but simply to listen and hold space. In that moment, Maya felt truly seen and loved, not for what she could offer, but for who she was. Their relation deepened, rooted in authenticity and unconditional presence.
When we feel seen, heard, and valued, our brains release oxytocin—the “bonding hormone”—which fosters trust and emotional safety.
Designing a Life of True Relations
In a world that often values image over essence, reclaiming the art of true relation is a radical act. It requires us to slow down, drop our defenses, and meet each other with open hearts. It asks us to move beyond the language of contracts and transactions, and into the realm of honor, respect, and unconditional love.
When we do, we discover that happiness is not something we chase or achieve—it is something we experience, together, in the sacred space between souls.